You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe...

"So deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally. It may be reciprocated or unreciprocated.
When it comes to studies or work, you get distracted and misfocus easily cos the face of your crush appears in your mind every millisecond.
Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of s/he.
You will eventually begin to find it hard to enjoy your everyday life and would rather be alone and think of s/he.
Slowly, your social life and you school/work life will be affected.
You will be more interested in the person's life more than the lives of the people around you, in fact, your 99.999% of your mind is filled with thoughts of him/her.
Whenever you are out of your house, you will hope to see him/her. Unknowingly, after your work/school, you will appear at places where both of you met or the places where you think s/he might have a higher possibility of appearing.
You begin to be very conscious about your every move and seem to be always smiling when you are near him.
If you admire him from afar, you may rehearse the moments when both your eyes are met.
You will begin to have a terribe habit of trying to "overananalyzing" the person's every move, finding evidence that s/he is secretly in love with you too.
When you start to think that s/he might not even know your existence or might not even like you a tiny puny bit, you become unreasonably depressed.When it comes to studies or work, you get distracted and misfocus easily cos the face of your crush appears in your mind every millisecond.
Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of s/he.
You will eventually begin to find it hard to enjoy your everyday life and would rather be alone and think of s/he.
Slowly, your social life and you school/work life will be affected.
You will be more interested in the person's life more than the lives of the people around you, in fact, your 99.999% of your mind is filled with thoughts of him/her.
Whenever you are out of your house, you will hope to see him/her. Unknowingly, after your work/school, you will appear at places where both of you met or the places where you think s/he might have a higher possibility of appearing.
You begin to be very conscious about your every move and seem to be always smiling when you are near him.
If you admire him from afar, you may rehearse the moments when both your eyes are met.
You will begin to have a terribe habit of trying to "overananalyzing" the person's every move, finding evidence that s/he is secretly in love with you too.
When you start to think that s/he might not even know your existence or might not even like you a tiny puny bit, you become unreasonably depressed.
One-track-mind.
You start to lose concentration on many things and find it hard to make decsions in everyday life.
Sally is lovesick; all she thinks about is Samuel and neglected her friend's presence." ~ urbandictionary.com

It's uncanny how well I fit into this definition. ;-)

Sigh.....

I am so hopeless/helpless. I find myself thinking about him almost all the time, reveling in the time we spend together, longing for his embrace.

At the risk of driving everyone crazy I do think I shall continue to gush. I know all my friends think I'm an id10t and if they aren't verbalizing it, they most likely are thinking it. Surprisingly enough the only comments I've really gotten are "I don't wanna see you get hurt" and "Just be careful." Like I would be anything but careful. As I told myself earlier, I think we're both on the same page at the moment, granted that the page he's on isn't the one I want to be on but, we're on the same page none the less.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I can't wait for things to change (for obvious reasons). Who knows....maybe history will repeat itself (it tends to in most areas of life).

<3

The Ramblings of a lonely heart <3

Soooo.....Our homecoming dance was last night (the game was last Friday 10/16). Yeah I know it's weird that it's so late and it's weird that the dance isn't the same weekend as the game but there's really nothing I can do to change that now is there. =)

Ok so 1st off let me be the first to say Homecoming is NOT the place to go to forget your single. Unlike my very wise cousin, I do enjoy going and getting a dress and getting my hair, makeup, and nails done (although I usually do my hair, makeup, and nails myself or at least have my mom help me). I actually enjoy all of that. What I do not enjoy is the never subtle reminder that no I do not in fact have a boyfriend and yes the guy I like is taken. =/

The dance was still awesome though. My friends and I had a great time and the music wasn't half bad....Ok let me rephrase that: the music played wasn't that bad.....the DJ seriously needed to play more good songs. There was no Don't Stop Believin' or Livin' on a Prayer not even Thriller was played =( O well maybe for Snowball (aka winter formal).

One of the worst parts of the night was seeing, correction being forced to see, the grind line composed enitrely of freshmen girls.........EWWWWWW!!!!!! Add that to the fact that 6/8 of center court was filled with grinding. It was disgusting. Maybe that's just my view because I don't have a boyfriend, but in all seriuosness it's GROSS!!!

As I mentioned before, Homcoming is not the place to forget your single, unless of course you're in the arms of the one you love. <3 face ="]">

Ok I'll stop for Savannah's (not to mention Gretchen and Rebecca's) cause I'm sure she (they) is/are cringing as she/they read(s) this but I honestly can't help myself =)

Inspiration Comes in the most odd shaped packages.

Yeah I know, I know this is a weird subject for me to be blogging about all things considered but I feel there a a few people I need to thank, one in particular who will acutally read this so here goes.

Savannah: You absolutly amaze me doll. With everything you're going through you still manage to keep a smile on that georgous face of yours, a positive outlook in your brilliant mind, love in your heart, and most of all........you have the most unwavering faith I think I've ever seen. I wish I could me more like you, strong in the face of adversity and trying times. Heck I just fold in on myself and retreat. You take the bull by the horns and conquer. Thanks for always being there to lend an ear, a comforting word, and oh yeah....thanks for making me laugh. =) I love you so much and I wish I could see you more (everyday would be nice). I can't wait for Xmas break!! Hang in there and stay strong (I have no doubt that you will). I LOVE YOU!!!

Rebecca: My twin. You keep my going through the long monotonous school days and do ur best to keep my spirits up when I'm at home no matter how obstinate I can be. I would be so lost without you as my friend. ILY!

Gretchen: I know I joke with you about a variety of things, but you always take it so well. Thanks for making me laugh and forcing me to smile. My life would be dramatically different without you in it. ILY!

Honestly that is my list. Out of the three, Savannah is the only one who will probably read this without being prompted. I honestly don't know what I'd do without these three amazing people in my life. I love you all!

Life Lessons, ETC.

First day of Senior Year......what an adventure. As it is, I really like my classes, that is I like what I've seen of them. AP English is somewhat intimidating, not so much the teacher as the workload. Honors Calc seems like it will be an ok class provided my teacher's teaching style fits my needs (please don't ask what those needs are cause I don't even know). The only downer about math is my teacher's seating chart puts me in the back right corner of the room =(. I have a feeling AP Bio is going to be one of my favorite classes of the year! I love my teacher and I love biology in general so I am really looking forward to it. Lunch is absolutly amazing........and no that is not becuase I don't have to sit and learn. It's becuase I get to spend lunch with my BFFFFFFF's and I now get to sit in the Senior cafeteria on the 6th floor!!! AP German is well....German. My teacher wouldn't stop talking in German the entire period; but I guess that is to be expected seeing as it is AP German. Health is the one class I think I'm going to dread but more about that later. So far my favorite class (other than AP Bio) is Evening Theatre Company. Our play this semester is The Somewhat True Story of Robin Hood (or something along those lines, Robin Hood nonetheless). It is going to have a midevil set and costumes coupled with what my teacher calls "Oldies" music (meaning "The Four Seasons"). So all in all a good first day.


Life Lesson: Now for the life lesson section of today's post. I suppose this isn't so much a life lesson as a common sense thing, but if your me it could be both. *Do NOT under any circumstances attempt to hit your thumb or finger with a hammer, even on accident (yes I know that seems very stupid to say). If you do, your thumb/finger will hurt for the next 12ish hours and be sensitive to the touch at the spot where you hit it.* Agian, I know this seems like a stupid thing to post as a life lesson, but after experiencing it Saturday afternoon I thought it was worth mentioning.


Health Class: As promised; more about Health Class. It is so insanely boring that I think I will want to cry later on in the semester. Granted that today was all formalities (rules, guidelines, yadda yadda yadda) but still! So for homework, our teacher gave us a student record sheet to fill out. Naturally it had questions about ourselves on it. However, these were not the usual name, phone number, partent's name and number type of questions. These were thought provoking questions that caused you to delve into your brain to find the answer (at least they were for me. Who knows....maybe I'm over analysing my health homework of all things). It really got me thinking as to what impovements I would like to see in my life and made me realize how far I've come since my first day of high school. Who knew Health class could be so deep.

Philosophy on Life: Right now, my philosophy for the school year is as follows: an episode a day. And no that does not mean a mental breakdown every day. What it means is every day after I get my homework done, I can sit down and watch an episode or two of Charmed. However, that is not the only philosophy I have come up with recently. When I was doing my English homework today, I really connected with the poem we were assigned to read ("The Waking" by Theodore Roethke). "This shaking keeps me steady. I should know. What falls away is always. And is near. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go" (Roethke). This is the last verse of the poem but it has so much underlying potency it's ridiculous. Just the subliminal message that the only way to truly learn is by taking life slow and learning from experience is so striking. Then my mom found this verse: "The Lord Says 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'" (Psalm 32: 8-9). I read/hear these verses and wonder "what the He** have I done with my life? How have I lost my faith and somehow managed to muddle through these last five or so years the way I have?" My life has been so messed up with so many twists and turns that it doesnt make sense for this to be to path set before me by the Lord. I just wish there were some "get out of jail free" card for this kinda stuff. I wish there was a shortcut that would put me on a more stable path and restore my faith at the same time. I just wish my life was different and I know how impossible that is; this passage proves that. If there was an easier path for me to travel down in life that would allow me to be as strong as I am I have no doubt that God would've put me on it. I guess for now I have to resort back to my "everything happens for a reason" and remember that with faith and resilliance everything will turn out as it should.....it just takes time.

Just let me hold you while your falling apart

Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me

Tell me Everything you want me to be

Forever with you

Forever in me

Ever the same

~ Ever the Same by Rob Thomas

Blessed be your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed by the name of the Lord

Blessed be your name

~ Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman

The Joys of a New Haircut!

Ok so once again I am being a major procrastonator! Right now I should be outlining the final chapter of my biology homework or reading/journaling my english homework but I've already outlined one chaper today and journaled most of one book so I think I deserve to reward myself with some episodes of season 2 of Charmed.

So I got my hair-cut today and I am absolutly in love with it. I took in a picture of Phoebe's (Alyssa Milano) hair in season five of Charmed and my hair turned out almost exactly like the picture! So needless to say I am so so so so so so SO pshched! I didnt think my hair would be able to do that style and still look good with my face but I was wrong....and boy am I happy about it. The bangs even work well!
Tis amazing what a new haircut will do for your outlook on life, at least for a day or so. I feel completely rejuvinated and much better about starting school and for that matter starting SENIOR YEAR on the right foot.

Well I really dont know what else to say so I guess its chaio for now!

Randomness rule!

Well for starters I am in desperate need of new running/walking shoes. I need to start walking everyday for like 10-20 minutes. As my mother keeps pointing out, the only way I'm gonna loose the weight I have gained this summer is by walking and drinking water so now I am on a mission to walk every day except for friday (bootcamp) and drink lots of water and possibly cut out the diet cokes for a week or maybe even a month depending on how it goes.

So today I am on a mission to get to Marshalls or TJ Maxx or even both because one way or another I am going to get in my 10-20 minutes of walking today and tomorrow!

Right now I am at my Dad's house waiting for his wife to come home so I can get my dad to take me to marshalls/tj maxx. I am really bored and I need to read crime and punishment as well as pride and predjudice but that really doesnt sound appealing at the moment. Unforutately, I have one week left to finish both books as well as finish outlining 3.5 chapeters of my AP Bio book for the test the first week of school.....the outlines are due the first day of school.....o joy!

Well I suppose I should go attempt to read since as I said, I have exactly one week to finish two books and 3.5 chapters of bio! I guess I'll tackle both books at the same time and see how it goes and I'll do some more outlining tonight during a movie or something.

Until later......

What I should be doing.....

Well, lets see. There are mutliple things I should be doing. For starters I should be either outlining my biology chapters or reading Crime and Punishment or Pride and Predjudice and taking notes on either one of the books. I should also be keeping a better watch on the laundry.
Instead, I am watcing season 2 of Charmed from the beginning and blogging; all while contemplating the true meaning of the word father (dad).

In my mind, a father should be somebody who is always there for you, supportive, a shoulder to cry on, compassionate, responsible, loving, not too strong tempered, understanding, yadda yadda yadda.

Unfortunately I got saddled with: irresponsible, lazy, negligent, inconsiderate, short tempered, sometimes has an ear to lend, thinks mostly about himself/self-centered, and so on and so forth.

I would get into details, however seeing as this is a blog on the internet I don't think that's a very good idea. If you really want dets, well then that's too bad......jk.

GAH!!!! I hate this situation! The only one who I know of who could relate is my fav cuz but other than that I feel utterly alone. Stupid fatherly figures!

I'll try to blog more later when I can think straight without my eyes feeling like they are going to well up with tears.

Daily Defintion

So I was sitting around my house pining for this guy who I like and I started wondering what the definition of "Boy" was because I had pleanty of my own. I found several defintions via the internet.


Dictionary.com: "Boy"
1. a male child, from birth to full growth esp. one less than 18 years of age
2. a young man who lack maturity, judgement, etc.


Urbandictionary.com: "Boy"
1. a male, man; opposite of female, woman


Now for my definition!
Boy:
immature, irresponsible, jerks, lazy, cocky, arrogant, one word responses, slow to respond, ignorant, ignores you, unreliable, at times wishy washy, beat around the bush, georgeous, make you swoon, inappropriate/dirty minded, sometimes sentimental, makes you emotionally tired, makes you feel like breaking electronics, o so frusterating, ...
......in short, a BOY

You may be wondering why I decided to make the word BOY the subject of my new daily definitions. Well as i mentioned earlier, the guy I like has me pining for him. He won't talk to me and it's really Uber frusterating! I know I should really give up on this guy but as i mentioned in an earlier post, I really like this guy and I can't make my heart (or maybe its my head) stop liking him. He is a great friend and I wish it could be more but I have a feeling it never will be.

I guess one way to help myself would be to stop watching movies and tv shows that have romantic themes. Twilight would be such a movie. I was watching it with my cousins and i couldn't help but think of him. At this moment in time, I'm watching my all time favorite tv show in the world...Charmed......and it is thickly laced with romantic themes. From Prue and Andy to Piper and Leo the romantic themes just keep jumping out at me. O well!

I had a blast in Louisville with my Grandparents and my cousins...I hadn't seen my cousins in about 9-10 years and boy did we have fun! We went swimming at the pool everyday and Savannah and I got our nails dones and we just hung out and chillaxed and had an all around great time! I haven't seen them since august 9 and it seems like forever!

Well it's getting late and I'm getting more and more tired by the minute so I'm gonna "sign off" and try to write more tomorrow!

~ Night ~

Acronyms

So today I found a list of hundreds of acronyms and such....I thought I would share my favs.



?: I have a question @TEOTD: at the end of the day <3: heart



AAF: as a friend AAR/AAR8: at any rate AAYF: as always, your friend AEAP: as early as possible AFAGAY: a freind as good as you AFAIC: as far as i'm concerned AFAIK: as far as i know AGKEW: and god knows what else AISB: as i said before AISE: as i said earlier AKA: also known as ALAP: as late a possible ALOL: acutally laughing out loud ALOTBSOL: always look on the bright side of life AMBW: all my best wishes AML: all my love AWGTHTGTTA: are we going to have to go through this again AWOL: absent without leave AYCE: all you can eat AYK: as you know AYTMTB: and your telling me this because



B/C: because B4: before B4N: bye for now B4YKI: before you know it BB4N: bye bye for now BBFN: bye bye for now BBIAB: be back in a bit BBIAF: be back in a few BBIAS: be back in a second BBL: be back later BBSL: be back sooner or later BBT: be back tomorrow BCOZ: because BEOS: nudge BF: boyfriend/best friend BI5: back in five BIBI: bye bye BO: bug off BR: bathroom BRB: be right back BRT: be right there BS: big smile/big sh** BTDT: been there done that BTDTGTS: been there done that got the t-shirt BTHOOM: beats the heck out of me BTW: by the way BW: best wishes BWL: bursting with laughter BYOA: bring your own advil BZ: busy



C/S: change of subject C4N: ciao for now CAAC: cool as a cucumber CD9: code nine (parents are around) CIAO: goodbye (in italian) CMIW: correct me if i'm wrong CMU: crack me up COS: change of subject C-P: sleepy CLS: can't stop laughing CUL/CUL8R: see you later CUNS: see you in school CUOL: see you online CUZ: because CYT: see you tomorrow



DARFC: ducking and running for cover DEF: definately DGT: don't go there DISTO: did i say that outloud DIY: do it yourself DMI: dont mention it DND: do not disturb DWBH: don't worry be happy



E123: easy as 123 EFFIN: f***ing EML: email me later EZ: easy



F2F: face-to-face FDGB: fall down go boom FF: friends forever FINE: f***ed up, insecure, neurotic, emotional FITB: fill in the blanks FOAF: friend of a friend FOFL: falling on floor laughing FOMCL: falling off my chair laughing FTASB: faster than a speeding bullet FTBOMH: from the bottom of my heart FTLOG: for the love of god FU2: f*** you too FWD: forward FYF: from your friend FYI: for your information



G2GLYS: got to go love you so GAL: get a life GAS: got a second GBH: great big hug GFI: go for it GGN: gotta go now GGP: gotta go pee GMTA: great minds think alike GN: good night GOK: god only knows GOL: giggling out loud GR8: great GRATZ: congratulations GRRRR: growling GSOAS: so sit on a snake GTG: got to go GTM: giggling to myself



H&K: hugs and kisses H/O: hold on HAGD: have a great day HAGN: have a good night HAK: hugs and kisses HAND: have nice day HB: hurry back HHO1/2K: ha ha, only half kidding HHOJ: ha ha, only joking HHOK: ha ha, only kidding HIG: how's it going HITAKS: hang in there and keep smiling HO: hold on HP: higher power HT: hi there HTNOTH: hit the nail on the head HWGA: here we go again



I 1-D-R: i wonder IAT: i am tired IBRB: i'll be right back IBTD: i beg to differ ID10T: idiot IDK: i dont know IDST: i didnt say that IGGP: i gotta go pee IIABDFI: if it aint broke dont fix it ILY: i love you IMO: in my opinion IMS: i am sorry INUCOSM: its no use crying over spilled milk IOW: in other words ISWYM: i see what you mean IWALU: i will always love you IYSS: if you say so



J/K: just kidding J/W: just wondering J5M: just five minutes JAM: just a minute JAS: just a second JC: just curious JSU: just shut up JT: just teasing JW: just wondering



KISS: keep it simple stupid KIT: keep in touch KPC: keeping parents clueless



L8R: later LD: long distance/later dude LFTI: looking forward to it LHO: laughing head off LIS: laughing in silence LKITR: little kid in the room LMAO: laughing my a** off LMSO: laughing my socks off LOLA: laughing out loud agian LTIC: lauging till i cry LTNS: long time no see LY: love you LYL: love you lots LYLB: love you later bye LYMI: love you, mean it LYWAMH: love you with all my heart



MEH: who cares/whatever MLAS: my lips are sealed MSG: message MTFBWY: may the force be with you MUSM: miss you so much MYOB: mind your own business



N/T: no text N2M: not too much N2MJCHBU: not too much just chilling how about you N-A-Y-L: in a while NE1: anyone NESEC: any second NM: never mind/not much NME: enemy NMU: not much you NRG: energy NSA: so strings attached NTYMI: now that you mention it



OAO: over and out OMG: oh my god OOAK: one of a kind OTTOMH: off the top of my head OUSU: oh you shut up



P911: parent alleret PA: parent allert PAL: parents are listening PAW: parents are watching PB: potty break PBB: parent behind back PLZ: please POAHF: put on a happy face POOF: goodbye POS: parent over shoulder P-ZA: pizza



QT: cuite



R&R: rest and relaxation RB@YA: right back at ya RMMA: reading my mind again ROTFL: rolling on the floor laughing ROTGLMAO: rolling on the ground laughing my a** off RRR: har har har RUOK: are you ok



S^: what's up S2U: same to you SETE: smiling ear to ear SHMILY: see how much i love you SIT: stay in touch SLAP: sounds like a plan SLAW: sounds like a winner SLIRK: stupid little rich kid SOB: son of a b***h SOL: sh** out of luck SOZ: sorry STBY: sucks to be you STFU: shut the f*** up STS: so to speak SWAK: sealed with a kiss SWL: screaming with laughter SYS: see you soon SYT: see you tomorrow



TGIF: thank god its friday THX/TX/THKS: thanks TISNF: this is so not fair TMI: too much information TOY: thinking of you TPTB: the powers that be TTFN: ta ta for now TTG: time to go TTYL: talk to you later



U UP: are you up U2: you too UG2BK: you got to be kidding U-L: you will URW: you are welcome UV: unpleasant visual



WAYD: what are you doing WC: who cares WE: whatever WFM: works for me WTF: what the f*** WTG: way to go WWJD: what would jesus do WWSD: what would satan do



X-I-10: exciting XLNT: excelent XOXO: hugs and kisses



YR: yeah right YW: your welcome



ZMG: oh my god ZZZZ: sleeping/bored/tired



There are a lot of them I know, but i found them rather amuzing.....I'll try to post something more substantial later.

What is FAMILY???

When most people think of family, the words mother, father, brother, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, and so on and so forth normally come to mind. But how often do we consider our closest friends or our step-relatives or even our pets. My guess is not very often because for the longest time I was one of the people who thought that family was strictly who you were related to. Now I know better.

What brought about this change in perspective, this change in heart? Well, my sisters are at Sheldon Calvary Camp for the week and my dad had invited me to spend a couple extra nights at his place while they were gone. So I decided I would spend Monday night (last night) with him. The only downside to this decision, or so I thought, was that his wife would be there as well.

My dad and I went about our day the way we normally do when we're together. First we ran some errands and then we went back to his house until it was time to go and pick up his wife from work (they only have one car at the moment). However, on our way back he started talking about my grandparents, his parents, and how much they would love to hear from me and how the divorce was hard on them too. And I got to thinking that maybe I was looking at that situation all wrong, maybe my grandparents did love me as much as they always had and maybe they were just lacking a way to show it now that I live with my mom and only see my dad once or twice a week and sometimes only once or twice a month.

The rest of our day went "as planned" meaning that we did what we pleased when we pleased. However, we did have to pick his wife up from work so around 4pm ish we headed out towards her office because we were going to pick her up at 5pm. Well we were almost there when she called and said she wanted picked up at 6pm instead. So in order to kill some time we went to the Petland by Trader Joe's and looked at the puppies. It just so happened that there was an adorable Peek-a-Poo that I want to take my mom to see, but there was also a Papillion puppy and my dad's wife absolutely LOVES Papillions. So dad asked if we could see the puppy/play with it and the Petland lady was like sure so we played with the adorable 3 month old puppy and I felt so happy and so at ease. Then when we were done playing with the puppy, the lady asked me if I was going to bring my "mom" to look at the puppy, of course meaning my dad's wife. Now normally this would've bothered me but for some reason I let it go. I didn't feel the need to correct the lady, well I mean I did but it didn't really bother me as much as it has in the past so I decided to let it go.

Then when we picked her up and to my surprise she carried out a conversation with me. A conversation, I might add, that consisted of more than the occasional hi how are you that I have become accustomed to. So we were driving home and she and dad decided that going out for pizza would be good for dinner so....that is what we did.

We were eating dinner and everything was going fine, until dad just kinda looks at his hand that was holding his fork. This of course prompted a "What's wrong" from his wife, to which he responded "I'm shaking." His wife put her hand over his and his mild shaking settled down, but I could tell that this was the beginning of a bad spell, I just wasn't sure how bad it would get. The thing with my dad is, in the past it seemed like he would try to ignore his Parkinson's but now it seems like he is trying to cope with it more so than ignore it. This, I might add, is an improvement.

When we got in the car, dad was worse. His jaw was shaking as well as his hands and his breathing sounded like he was about to hyperventilate. His wife however stayed calm as ever and got him settled down and we got back to his house. All the while I was thinking about what my dad had said a couple years ago, about how he and my mom had split up because he was sick. And I looked at him and I knew in my heart that my mom would never have left him just because of his illness, that she would have and did do everything in her power to take care of him. I mean I knew that all along but this just solidified that for me. It also made me appreciate just how much his wife does not only for him, but for me as well. Now that sounds weird even to me, but the way I see it (or at least am trying to see it) is that by helping my dad and taking care of him, she is making sure that he will be able to be there for me and my sisters to the best of his abilities.

Thus my new definition of FAMILY:

Family: the people who are there for you through thick and thin, who stand by you no matter what, who see you through the good the bad and the ugly, who care about you and are always ready to lend a hand, even if you don't think you need it.

I think part of this new outlook, if not all of it, is because of my cousin Jason (RIP). Jason knew how to look for the best in people and he knew that another day isn't always guaranteed so you need to cherish and savor every moment. If there is one thing I have learned from him, that was it. Live each day, each moment as you last. Life is too short to hold a grudge.

So before I sign off for the night I'll leave you with this final thought: You never know what tomorrow will bring so let bygones be bygones. I know that may sound scary and it may mean letting go of the baggage that you have been holding onto for so long (which may also sound scary), and it quite possibly may mean forgiving those you would rather not. But you don't know what your missing out on if you don't. You never know.....maybe your family will get just a little bigger.

Hopelessly Devoted to 2A

It sucks when you like people who are unavailable and when you know they are unavailable and continue to like them. Such is the case with me. Its kinda a self-explainatory situ. I like a guy who is currently attached and thus unavailable. (Wow I have really overused the word unavailable). It just sucks cause I fade in and out of phases of likeing him but when I do it is full blown likeing.

It doesn't help my situ much that I constantly surround myself wiht romantic schtuff such as movies like 27 Dresses which, although it is one of my favorite movies, it is still a romantic comedy which serves as a reminder of my current single status.

I was doing ok, ok as in slowly getting over him, when I opened up my box of knitting and found a picture of us at camp on the "last" day. And the flood of memories came rushing back and I realized that I have probably been falling for him since freshmen year at the least. Everytime I think about him lately, I get all, I don't wanna say gooey or mushy, but I guess "warm" would kinda be the right word---so all "warm and fuzzy" inside.

I wish I knew what to do with myself and my feelings but they come from my heart and there is absolutly nothing to do but let my heart take me where it will cause quite frankly that is the smartest thing to do.

I guess I'll leave this post to speak for itself while I let my feeling perculate in my brain and in my heart. ={

"Just let me hold you while you're falling apart

Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me

Tell me everything you want me to be

Forever with you

Forever in me

Ever the same"

Rob Thomas ~ Ever the Same

The return of BILLY BOB JOE

To anyone but Gretchen and Rebecca this title wouldn't make any sense. And no offence to whoever else is reading this, but I intend to keep it that way.

So I realized as I was posting/typing this that I haven't posted since JUNE! This strikes me as odd especially since, as Savannah so brilliantly and insightfully pointed out last night via facebook chat, I have done almost absolutly nothing this summer. I say almost absolutly nothing because I did get my drivers license on June 25 and I secured my self a job on wednesday, aka two days ago. =)

But other than those two accomplishments I haven't done much this summer. I started my summer reading the other week. I have to read Life of Pi, Crime and Punishment, and Pride and Predudice. So far I am 7 chapters into Life of Pi. =( O well. I did however finish The Truth About Forever and Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen last week. The former was not as good as the latter. Both were very good however. Although I must say that my personal favorite Sarah Dessen book is Just Listen. If you have not read it, I would seriously recommend it seeing as I stayed up till 2am finishing it. I read it in two days!

In other news, Gretchen and Rebecca are spending the night tonight although they are not getting here until 9 or 10pm. That however is okey doke becuase I haven't seen them in almost 2.5 weeks and am going through serious withdraw. I know that sounds wierd seeing as they are people not drugs. But what you have to understand is this: I saw them every day during the school year and I spent almost every other weekend at their house or with them in some way shape or form. So for me, two weeks is like a lifetime! I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself in college when I won't see them for months at a time possibly.

Anyways...I'll post later with updates from this guarenteed stellar evening. Until then, let me leave you with these lyrics from Rob Thomas's hit song "Ever the Same." If you haven't heard it, look it up on youtube or something, it is phenominal!

"Just let me hold you while you're falling apart

Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me

Tell me everthing you want me to be

Forever with you

Forever in me

Ever the same"

Dizzy Park

Ahhh, the joys of dizzy park (aka the Mt. Lebanon park). Last time the superheros and I went, there were preteens creeping around the park. And of course, Sierra being Sierra, shouted "No preteen pda!"

So tonight after we got back from the grad party that Rebecca half-dragged us to (and by half-dragged I mean she said she didn't wanna go alone and Gretchen, Sierra, and I offered to go with her) we chilled at the house for about 15-30 minutes and then we gathered our cameras and cell phones (and G&R's little bro) and headed to dizzy park.

Well we got there and there was this old couple walking up the path and low and behold, there was a preteen couple on one of the spiny things. So we went down to the where the equipment is and I made the painfully obvious observation "It's dark out"..... wow I'm smart. So we attempted to take pictures and well, the dark didn't really help much. After a short period of contemplation we decided to can the posed pics and go for some candid ones. According to Sierra we seem to only go to dizzy park to get professional looking photography, so as I said, we went candid.

What resulted from that decision was a lot of sillyness and crazyness and such. If you really want to see the sillyness, check out the "I think they're 8th graders" album on facebook. The story behind that album title is as follows: this gang of wierdos/creeps notices us on their way down to the wherever they were going. So they come towards us all creepy on their way to their gang initiation type thing and they're totally checking us out and the one a-hole was like "I think they're in 8th grade" at which point, I turn to Rebecca and just start silently cracking up. And then we saw those same creeps on our way home.....o boy what a night.

The Superheros

From Left to Right (Rebecca/Superwoman, Me/Spidergirl, Sierra/Batwoman, Gretchen/Wonderwoman)

Now we're watching Who's Line and cracking up as is to be expected when we're together. We are so exausted and acting as such! Well I guess it's time to "sign off" for the night so......until later/tomorrow.

Rain Rain....PLEASE go away

Dear Rain, Please please please go away... Love, Olivia

It is currently, and has been for most of the day, raining. Actually, right now it's pouring and thundering and lightninging. O joy what fun. As a result, I have been inside all day. Yes folks that's right, I have not set foot out of the confines of my house since yesterday evening. I have been inside this house for almost 24 hours. What's wierd is now that I think about it, I'm like "why haven't I been outside today, this is upsetting" but up until now it really didn't bother me. Maybe that's becuase I didn't get up till around 10 and then I spent most of my afternoon with my eyes glued to this computer screne playing Sims 3. Yes, I finally got Sims 3! I wanted to get it on Saturday but instead I got it yesterday. It was definately worth the wait!

Saturday I went to a grad party from 4:15ish-7:40ish. Before that I was hanging at my dad's place doing absolutly nothing. I would've been playing Sims 3 but dad said we couldn't go get it till Tuesday. :-( So I didn't really have anything to do seeing as I had banked on going to get Sims 3. Luckily I had Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in my purse so I read that. To be quite honest though, I didn't really want to read seeing as I had just gotten out of school the day before. But I read anyways. After the grad party, I went back to dad's for the night and read some more and then went to bed. I couldn't even blog or facebook while I was at dad's because he refuses to make his internet wireless so I don't get any internet connection over there and his computer is a piece of crap. So I was up a creek without a paddle.

Sunday was another grad party and then chilling at home. I honestly don't remember what I did on Sunday....O well.

Monday I watched my sisters while mom was at work and we went to the library to sign up for the summer reading club. That was fun....not. It was actually quite pointless seeing as it's all online this year and we could've just signed up online. O well at least we got out of the house. Then after mom got home from work we made a fruit salad and used melon ballers to make little melon balls and then put them in the scooped out half of the watermelon and added strawberries, blueberries, and grapes to the watermelon, cantelope, and honeydew. After that it was off to mom's friend's for a cookout......yum! I got a lot of cool artzy pics and some of my sisters playing with the little girl.

Tuesday we were with dad and then we went to Dormont park for some festivle thing or other. And today was a rainy day. I just hope it doesn't rain tomorrow because I have my first in car driving lesson with DeHaas tomorrow at 5pm and rain will only make me more nervous. Chances are I won't even be able to go cause dad most likely won't be able to take my sisters while I have my lesson. O well.....I guess that's life.

More later/tomorrow, I don't know which.

Red High Heels

Random title but it happens to be the song I'm listening to right now. (Red High Heels by Kellie Pickler).

So today was a pointless day at school but an interesting day none the less. I woke up around 7:35am swore to myself, threw on my clothes I had set out last night and left for school sans breakfast but hey what else is new. None of that matterd after 1st period though when I found out that I got a 'B' on my math final. That just made my day at school and quite honestly nothing else matters.

When I got home around 2:35, I had the house to myself which is ok I guess. So I went online and looked at sims 3 and realized just how desperately I want it. So I figured I'd take the random $10 I found in Breaking Dawn last night (long story) and combine that with the money I was going to make babysitting tonight and have my dad pay the difference. And as it turned out, I made enough babysitting tonight (4:30-9:15pm) to pay for sims 3 and the only thing my dad will have to cover is the tax so like $4. Eeeekkkk I'm so excited. Couple that with the fact that I only have 2 more days of school and my life is practically perfect right now. Wow that sounds really really REALLY pathetic. O well.

So babysitting tonight wasn't as bad as it could've been. I absolutly adore the kids I was watching, which always makes things easier, and I only had one of them the majority of the time cause the other one was playing baseball. So it was just me and the little girl (2nd grade) from about 5:15 - 8:30 at which point her brother (3rd grade) came home and brought a friend with him (I had told his mom that was ok). So then from 8:30 to when their mom got home I was watching two reved up boys and then the little girl who was as calm as could be until her friends showed up at the door and wanted to know if she could play. At that point I had just gotten off the phone with her mom, who said she would be home in a couple minutes, so I said ok. And just like clockwork, the little girl went out to play with her friends and the mom comes down the street. Not that I minded in the least becuase, as I said, I adore these kids; they are so well behaved.

In short, it's been a pretty successful day. In all actuality, I still have to finish Huck Finn for tomorrow but I'll probably just sparknote it cause I don't have the motivation to actually read it. O well it is what it is and like I said, I only have 2 more days of school; more like 1.5 cause we get out at noon on friday! Well I'm gonna go see if I can possibly have a chocolate lava cake so.....until later/tomorrow

Ex-Pro Chief of Surgery

Yes I know this is a bizarre post title, but it will make sense in a minute or two...or maybe never, it all depends on who you are.

So I was playing Wii for a good hour tonight instead of studying for my physics final...Go Me!! First of all the clock on the Wii lies, it told me it was 8:35pm when i turned it off, I come upstairs and get back on my computer and I see that the time is 9:30pm...FML! I was going to study a little bit, or at least that's what my mind told me I was gonna do. And I felt so happy that the time was only 8:30pm I mean then it didnt seem like I had "wasted" my entire evening. O well. Anyways......I was playing Wii Sports and I was bowling. So I bowled a game and scored a 137 or something like that and my Pro status went down a bit, but I figured I could bring it up agian next game so I bowled another game. This time I scored a 120 and I thought "well that couldn't have done too much damage" ..... boy was I wrong. That 120 lost me my Pro status. Now normally a score of 120 would be good.....extremely good if your me. But this is Wii bowling, which if you've never tried it - well its easier than real bowling, and my best score is 238. Keeping that in mind, I suppose a 120 is enough to break my Pro status into little tiny pieces. It's my own fault though, I haven't played for a couple months.

Then I decided I would play my Grey's Anatomy Wii game. So I put it in and load my previous game only to find out that I hadn't played since 4/7/09. Wow. So I went on to load my game and repeat a previous scene and then I got to where I had left off last time. I swear I repeated the beginning of that scene about 20 times just so I could "gather up" the right emotions to win the challenge. Boy was I frusterated! Well after I got the emotions, I got to do a surgery - I didn't do too well, in fact I probably killed the patient - and to make a long story short, I ended up doing the emotions about 5-10 more times before getting to do the surgery again, at which point I successfully completed the scene and got the ranking "intern." Now you're probably wondering why I said Chief of Surgery if I was only ranked "intern." Well I went on to play another scene and completed it flawlessly and was ranked.....you got it....."Chief of Surgery." So then I went on to be ranked as an "attending" and then as "Chief of Surgery" agian, at which point I decided it was getting late and saved my game and turned off the Wii.

So now I have gone into excessive detail about the hour I spent playing Wii, which is most likely of no interst to anyone but me. O Well .... too bad. (Random thought: This blog is getting to be as addicting if not more addicting than Facebook).

Speaking of Facebook, I have been "lurking" everyone's prom pictures and I must say, everyone looks abosolutly amazing. Some of my favorite pics have to be of the playgroup: Me, Annabelle, Glenice, and Alex. We've grown up so much. I remember when, well, when we were still in playgroup and spilling cheerios all over the floor of my old house. Or how about the endless hours of dress-up and bizarre games of prented at Annabelle's, or snowball fights in Glenice and Alex's backyard, or the endless games of Barbie's with Glenice, or even Alex calling me "Annabelle" and Annabelle "Olivia." Sometimes I wish I could just go back to those days, back to when everything was simple. But if we went back to when everything was simple, we wouldn't be as close as we are now, in part becuase we never would've drifted apart and then come back together.

The Playgroup

(From Left to Right: Glenice, Annabelle, Me, Alex)

Well, I'm off to bed now. Physics final at 10am tomorrow and then hanging with Erin and Sara. After that just random stuff. I'll post agian when I can. Until Later.

Go-Go-Gadget

Ok I'll start by saying that I have a sudden urge to watch Inspector Gadget. I think that is partly because I'm listening to "I'll be your everything" by Youngstown, but whatever.

I had my History final at 8am this morning and quite frankly it was a piece of cake. All that time spent stressed out last night over dates and people and events and terms was for nothing. Then at 10am I had my math final, which was the polar opposite of my history final: it was impossible. All that time spent last night silently freaking out while making my notecard was, well ok it was time wasted, but it had some clout to it. The first few questions were easy enough and I thought to myself "if the rest of the test is like this I'll be ok" then I turned the page. And that was the moment that I knew the best I could possibly get on this ridiculous final was a B...if that. Now I know this sounds melodramatic and what not, but my heart and all of the hope in it literally sank into my stomach. And to make matters worse, over half the stuff I put on my notecard I didn't even need and then there was stuff that I did need that wasn't on my notecard. Quite frankly I dont care what the volume of a tetrehedron with certain given verticies is thank you very much. GAH!!! Now I have to study for tomorrow's physics final at 10am. The only nice thing about that is the fact that there are review quizes in the online textbook and the physics final is the only final I have tomorrow. :-)

Other than that, I suppose life is good. Good except for the fact that I missed the entirety of the season premier of Army Wives last night becuase I was studdying for my math final/making my notecard. That really ticked me off becuase now I'm an episode behind and the season just started. Plus it's the only chance I get to see Drew Fuller, aside from pulling out the Charmed season 6 DVDs. And I really wanted to know if ClaudiaJoy and Michael left the base like they were supposed to and what is going on with Joan and her new baby and when she is going back to the army. And now I sound like a whiny two year old.

I absolutly cannot wait for finals to be over tomorrow becuase A) I get to hang out with Erin and Sara afterwards, B) the end of finals means school is almost over, and C) I'm sick of studdying. Well I suppose I should vaccume or at least try to find last night's episode of Army Wives online, or even better, study for physics. Until Later.

Allergic to Math

So after about 2-3 hours I have finished the infamous Math Notecard. Yay! Through this process, which I might add was very trying, I learned that I am indeed allergic to math. I kept sneezing while I was making the note card. In lieu of a long post I'm just gonna say this......I have finals starting at 8am and my mom is after me to go to bed so.....Night all! I'll post agian tomorrow!

Butt in gear/ ducks in line/ should be studdying

So I have this lovely little thing tomorrow called a math final ... an Honors Advanced Precalc final to be exact. This lovely test consists of 35 questions in 90 minutes with a notcard full of equations and other helpful hints. Sounds managable right? Wrong! First of all, the final is written by my math teacher which means its going to be rediculously hard. Then there's the small miniscule matter of what the hell do I put on this notecard. Well the answer is obvious.....equations, stupid head, equations! And although that may seem like an easy thing to do, its not. Try cramming equations from chapters 7-15 on a notecard along with notes on how and when to use them and o yeah....make sure its legible while your at it. And on top of all that, factor in the 175 question US History final a mere 30 minutes before hand. O yeah and....and...lets add the fact that these finals start at 8am tomorrow morning and I have yet to make this infamous notecard and remember oodles and noodles of people, terms, and events for my USH final. GAH!!!!!!!!

Now I know it seems like I'm bitching about all of this and quite frankly I am. It's currently 8:15pm and I haven't finished any of my study guides, I have no clue what the hell I need to know for any of these finals tomorrow let alone my honors physics final on Tuesday. I am so so so so so so so so SOOOOOOOO stressed right now! The only bright side to this is that after Tuesday, I am virtually done with Junior year and starting on Friday, I am officially a Senior because the seniors graduate on Thursday. So on the last day of Junior year, I will be a seinor. Makes absolutly no sense, I know.

It's times like these when I realize what a true procrastonator I am. I have truly lived up to the nickname my dad gave me years ago "Princess Piddle." It's also times like these when I find myself in desperate need of new music. I don't know why, but for some reason new music always seems to make everything better. Once I finish posting this, I'll probably get on Frostwire/iTunes and get some new Linkin Park songs or maybe some Adam Lambert songs, but most likely I'll get a combo of the two. (Random thought of the day: Adam Lambert so should've won American Idol) Anyways....

Now that I have successfully expelled some of my stress into this post and have left it here to fester and infect some of you (JK guys....JK), I suppose I'll move on to more important matters. Last night I reverted to my six year old self and watched my VSH of a Backstreet Boys concert, followed by Mary-Kate & Ashley's Our First Video, followed by School House Rock: America Rock. I realized as I was watching these seemingly juvenile films that A) I was way innocent back in the late '90s & early '00s becuase BSB had some way sexual dance moves. B) I was and most likely still am a complete dork/dweeb/nerd seeing as how i could and still can tell you exactly which Backstreet Boy is singing which part of the song, all while flawlessly singing all the words. C) I am the biggest little kid ever! What sane 11th grader would sit in their living room two nights before finals reliving their past?!?! I also realized today at BL's grad party that I spend way too much time being influenced by my little sisters. The DJ started playing "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus and I, unfortunately, knew all the words.

Well, I have successfully procrastonated for roughly another half hour. (I spent about 15-20 minutes before this taking random/pointless quizes on Facebook). So I suppose I'm going to try to make this notecard for math and then study more history and then try to post agian before i go to bed. So ........ until later!

Hey!

Hey!

So this is my blog...duh! I'm gonna try to update everyday but we'll see how that goes...Lol!

Right now I should be studdying for finals, but as you can tell, I'm not. In all honesty, studdying for US History is quite boring. There are so many people and dates and terms and events to remember, it's overwhelming.

Prom was on Thursday and man am i tired. The actual prom was from 10pm-5am and I got home around 5:30am and went to bed around 6am. Prom itself was very fun. There was a hyptonist, which i might add was very amusing. My mom says the people who were hypnotised were acting, but i beg to differ because quite frankly, she didnt see what the people who were hypnotised were doing. Man was that funny. The only downside is the fact that I'm still EXAUSTED.

Wednesday was the seniors last day of school. :-( I miss the seniors so much even though I saw most of them at Prom.

Well....I think I should study for finals some more, or at least try to get some sleep. I'll try to post again later.