When most people think of family, the words mother, father, brother, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, and so on and so forth normally come to mind. But how often do we consider our closest friends or our step-relatives or even our pets. My guess is not very often because for the longest time I was one of the people who thought that family was strictly who you were related to. Now I know better.
What brought about this change in perspective, this change in heart? Well, my sisters are at Sheldon Calvary Camp for the week and my dad had invited me to spend a couple extra nights at his place while they were gone. So I decided I would spend Monday night (last night) with him. The only downside to this decision, or so I thought, was that his wife would be there as well.
My dad and I went about our day the way we normally do when we're together. First we ran some errands and then we went back to his house until it was time to go and pick up his wife from work (they only have one car at the moment). However, on our way back he started talking about my grandparents, his parents, and how much they would love to hear from me and how the divorce was hard on them too. And I got to thinking that maybe I was looking at that situation all wrong, maybe my grandparents did love me as much as they always had and maybe they were just lacking a way to show it now that I live with my mom and only see my dad once or twice a week and sometimes only once or twice a month.
The rest of our day went "as planned" meaning that we did what we pleased when we pleased. However, we did have to pick his wife up from work so around 4pm ish we headed out towards her office because we were going to pick her up at 5pm. Well we were almost there when she called and said she wanted picked up at 6pm instead. So in order to kill some time we went to the Petland by Trader Joe's and looked at the puppies. It just so happened that there was an adorable Peek-a-Poo that I want to take my mom to see, but there was also a Papillion puppy and my dad's wife absolutely LOVES Papillions. So dad asked if we could see the puppy/play with it and the Petland lady was like sure so we played with the adorable 3 month old puppy and I felt so happy and so at ease. Then when we were done playing with the puppy, the lady asked me if I was going to bring my "mom" to look at the puppy, of course meaning my dad's wife. Now normally this would've bothered me but for some reason I let it go. I didn't feel the need to correct the lady, well I mean I did but it didn't really bother me as much as it has in the past so I decided to let it go.
Then when we picked her up and to my surprise she carried out a conversation with me. A conversation, I might add, that consisted of more than the occasional hi how are you that I have become accustomed to. So we were driving home and she and dad decided that going out for pizza would be good for dinner so....that is what we did.
We were eating dinner and everything was going fine, until dad just kinda looks at his hand that was holding his fork. This of course prompted a "What's wrong" from his wife, to which he responded "I'm shaking." His wife put her hand over his and his mild shaking settled down, but I could tell that this was the beginning of a bad spell, I just wasn't sure how bad it would get. The thing with my dad is, in the past it seemed like he would try to ignore his Parkinson's but now it seems like he is trying to cope with it more so than ignore it. This, I might add, is an improvement.
When we got in the car, dad was worse. His jaw was shaking as well as his hands and his breathing sounded like he was about to hyperventilate. His wife however stayed calm as ever and got him settled down and we got back to his house. All the while I was thinking about what my dad had said a couple years ago, about how he and my mom had split up because he was sick. And I looked at him and I knew in my heart that my mom would never have left him just because of his illness, that she would have and did do everything in her power to take care of him. I mean I knew that all along but this just solidified that for me. It also made me appreciate just how much his wife does not only for him, but for me as well. Now that sounds weird even to me, but the way I see it (or at least am trying to see it) is that by helping my dad and taking care of him, she is making sure that he will be able to be there for me and my sisters to the best of his abilities.
Thus my new definition of FAMILY:
Family: the people who are there for you through thick and thin, who stand by you no matter what, who see you through the good the bad and the ugly, who care about you and are always ready to lend a hand, even if you don't think you need it.
I think part of this new outlook, if not all of it, is because of my cousin Jason (RIP). Jason knew how to look for the best in people and he knew that another day isn't always guaranteed so you need to cherish and savor every moment. If there is one thing I have learned from him, that was it. Live each day, each moment as you last. Life is too short to hold a grudge.
So before I sign off for the night I'll leave you with this final thought: You never know what tomorrow will bring so let bygones be bygones. I know that may sound scary and it may mean letting go of the baggage that you have been holding onto for so long (which may also sound scary), and it quite possibly may mean forgiving those you would rather not. But you don't know what your missing out on if you don't. You never know.....maybe your family will get just a little bigger.
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