Life of a High School Graduate Pt. 2

For Starters, the title of my last post should have been Life of a High School Graduate not Life of a College Graduate. Now that I've taken care of that, on to the actual post.

So I got my wisdom teeth out last Monday. Not really a pleasant experience. Not only have I been in pain since then, but I have to go back tomorrow to get my gums cut open again cause they are infected (or something of the like). So I've been taking all kinds of pain killers since monday and antibiotics since Friday. O joy what fun. On the bright side, my basement is painted and almost ready for me to move in! All that's left to do is to clean the remainder of my current room as well as the basement and my sisters' room which seems like a lot but in reality should go pretty quickly provided I'm not working by myself.

I scheduled my classes for fall term a few weeks ago and my schedule will work out quite nicely. My first class is at 9am so I don't have to be on the bus until 7/7:15 meaning I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn....YAY! I'm excited about starting college but nervous at the same time. But hey, it can't be that much different from starting high school. The only main differences are longer classes, very few if any familiar faces, and longer walks to and from classes. All in all, not that bad.

I'm supposed to go on a mission trip to Weaverville, North Carolina with my youth group next week, but given the state of the pain in my mouth, I'm not sure if I'll be able to go. We are going to be roofing, laying foundations, etc....none of which I know how to do but I just want to give back. God has done so so much for me and my family in the last five years, its about time I let His hand lead me where I'm needed. Applying that logic however, if I'm not able to go, I guess that means I'm needed for something else closer to home.

My mom, sisters, and I are going to Bethany Beach the second week of August with some family friends. =) It should be a really fun trip. The girls have only been to the beach once, and that was at Christmas Break last year when we went to Wilmington for a family reunion of sorts. I hadn't been to the beach since I was five or six. Needless to say this is a much needed vacation for all of us. Not to say the summer is stressful or anything but well ok it is a little bit stressful. We found out about a month ago that my dad and his wife are moving to Evansville, IN or should I say moving back. My grandfather on my dad's side is not doing all that well and Dad is moving back to take care of him. However, he gets the house he grew up in cause the people my grandparents were leasing it to moved out so my dad gets a house virtually scott free. Anyways that's that, there's nothing I can do to change it. I need to remember that this is what God wants and therefore what is best for all of us.

The Life of a College Graduate

Life holds many milestones; marraige, first job, most recently for me: High School Graduation. Now this particular milestone can be looked at in many ways. It can be scary and full of unknown situations. Or such a milestone can be looked at like a sunset. Not a sunset in the way that it is full of heavenly beauty that cannot be appropriately captured in pictures of any kind, but a sunset in the way that as sunsets give way to sunrises which in turn give way to new beginnings, so high school graduation gives way to a new start in college, a new start where we are in charge of own lives.

So what am I doing with this new freedom, this new power over my destiny? Well for starters, I got my own car key today! YAY!! What do I plan on doing with it, well I'm not exactly sure. I suppose I shall be able to drive when I have the car without borrowing my mother's keys...Party!! Pluss....I'm moving my room down to the basement which yes means a lot a lot of work, but it also means that I will have my own "appartment" for college!!! The plan is to prime, paint,and hopefully furnish the basement while the sisters are away at camp. =) I am so super excited and so uber pumped!! The walls are gonna be yellow with possibly a pink accent =)

That's about all I'm doing with my freedom for now and that's about all I have to say so....toodles!!

New Blog!

check out my new blog: http://southernbelle4192.xanga.com/weblog/
not sure how much i'll be posting on here.

Too Much =(

"Love Hurts": Who ever heard of a true cliche? I don't know if I would nessecarily call it a true cliche, but it does have some merit to it. I mean why is it that the closer you get to someone the harder it becomes? Why is it that the more time you spend with someone it gets more awkward before it gets better? Why is it that we guard our hearts most heavily from the ones we want to give it to the most? I mean I know I have issues I need to work through, it's even more obvious now than it was before, but I just don't understand why my guard was so extremely high today. I don't know why I was so heavily guarded and even thinking back on it I can't figure it out for the life of me. Ok well I kind of can; the reason is painfully obvious when I look back at everything I've been through and it kills me the extent to which my past is affecting me and most likely will continue to affect me the rest of my life. I just don't want to be hurt again and I guess the easiest way to do that is not to let people in. But if we go through life blocking people out how can we ever hope to have a truly heatly relationship? My dad left when I was in 6th grade and has been in and out of my life ever since. And I'm sorry but how are we supposed to trust and rely on others if we can't trust and rely on our parents? Parents are supposed to always be there for you so how can you expect others to be there if you can't even count on the people who should always be there and love you unconditionally? How can you let someone in when there is the potential for more hurt? How do you put the past behind you and move on? I honestly don't know; I mean I obviously don't if I'm still letting this affect me six years later. I should really be stronger than this. After all, day after day, I am constantly donning my "thick skin" and going on with my life as if nothing is wrong, when really deep down, obviously deeper than I was aware of, there is still all of the pain and sorrow and resentment that has been building up for six years. How can a person live like this and still be healthy? It's not possible. Whether we know it or not the past just chips away at us and breaks us down and before we know it we break down and snap. And the worst part about it is how we snap towards those we love the most and who love us unconditionally instead of at those who hurt us the most. The worst part is I desperately need to move on I just don't know how. If only there was a magic formula for how to deal with life, you know "The idiot's guide to life," or "Life for dummies," or even beter "Sparknotes: LIFE." Unfortunately its not that easy. My aunt told me today that God would never give me more than I can handle, but who says I can handle this? I mean I don't doubt that my aunt is right I just have no clue how I'm supposed to be able to move on with my life, let go of the past, and work towards a brighter future.

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe...

"So deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally. It may be reciprocated or unreciprocated.
When it comes to studies or work, you get distracted and misfocus easily cos the face of your crush appears in your mind every millisecond.
Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of s/he.
You will eventually begin to find it hard to enjoy your everyday life and would rather be alone and think of s/he.
Slowly, your social life and you school/work life will be affected.
You will be more interested in the person's life more than the lives of the people around you, in fact, your 99.999% of your mind is filled with thoughts of him/her.
Whenever you are out of your house, you will hope to see him/her. Unknowingly, after your work/school, you will appear at places where both of you met or the places where you think s/he might have a higher possibility of appearing.
You begin to be very conscious about your every move and seem to be always smiling when you are near him.
If you admire him from afar, you may rehearse the moments when both your eyes are met.
You will begin to have a terribe habit of trying to "overananalyzing" the person's every move, finding evidence that s/he is secretly in love with you too.
When you start to think that s/he might not even know your existence or might not even like you a tiny puny bit, you become unreasonably depressed.When it comes to studies or work, you get distracted and misfocus easily cos the face of your crush appears in your mind every millisecond.
Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of s/he.
You will eventually begin to find it hard to enjoy your everyday life and would rather be alone and think of s/he.
Slowly, your social life and you school/work life will be affected.
You will be more interested in the person's life more than the lives of the people around you, in fact, your 99.999% of your mind is filled with thoughts of him/her.
Whenever you are out of your house, you will hope to see him/her. Unknowingly, after your work/school, you will appear at places where both of you met or the places where you think s/he might have a higher possibility of appearing.
You begin to be very conscious about your every move and seem to be always smiling when you are near him.
If you admire him from afar, you may rehearse the moments when both your eyes are met.
You will begin to have a terribe habit of trying to "overananalyzing" the person's every move, finding evidence that s/he is secretly in love with you too.
When you start to think that s/he might not even know your existence or might not even like you a tiny puny bit, you become unreasonably depressed.
One-track-mind.
You start to lose concentration on many things and find it hard to make decsions in everyday life.
Sally is lovesick; all she thinks about is Samuel and neglected her friend's presence." ~ urbandictionary.com

It's uncanny how well I fit into this definition. ;-)

Sigh.....

I am so hopeless/helpless. I find myself thinking about him almost all the time, reveling in the time we spend together, longing for his embrace.

At the risk of driving everyone crazy I do think I shall continue to gush. I know all my friends think I'm an id10t and if they aren't verbalizing it, they most likely are thinking it. Surprisingly enough the only comments I've really gotten are "I don't wanna see you get hurt" and "Just be careful." Like I would be anything but careful. As I told myself earlier, I think we're both on the same page at the moment, granted that the page he's on isn't the one I want to be on but, we're on the same page none the less.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I can't wait for things to change (for obvious reasons). Who knows....maybe history will repeat itself (it tends to in most areas of life).

<3

The Ramblings of a lonely heart <3

Soooo.....Our homecoming dance was last night (the game was last Friday 10/16). Yeah I know it's weird that it's so late and it's weird that the dance isn't the same weekend as the game but there's really nothing I can do to change that now is there. =)

Ok so 1st off let me be the first to say Homecoming is NOT the place to go to forget your single. Unlike my very wise cousin, I do enjoy going and getting a dress and getting my hair, makeup, and nails done (although I usually do my hair, makeup, and nails myself or at least have my mom help me). I actually enjoy all of that. What I do not enjoy is the never subtle reminder that no I do not in fact have a boyfriend and yes the guy I like is taken. =/

The dance was still awesome though. My friends and I had a great time and the music wasn't half bad....Ok let me rephrase that: the music played wasn't that bad.....the DJ seriously needed to play more good songs. There was no Don't Stop Believin' or Livin' on a Prayer not even Thriller was played =( O well maybe for Snowball (aka winter formal).

One of the worst parts of the night was seeing, correction being forced to see, the grind line composed enitrely of freshmen girls.........EWWWWWW!!!!!! Add that to the fact that 6/8 of center court was filled with grinding. It was disgusting. Maybe that's just my view because I don't have a boyfriend, but in all seriuosness it's GROSS!!!

As I mentioned before, Homcoming is not the place to forget your single, unless of course you're in the arms of the one you love. <3 face ="]">

Ok I'll stop for Savannah's (not to mention Gretchen and Rebecca's) cause I'm sure she (they) is/are cringing as she/they read(s) this but I honestly can't help myself =)

Inspiration Comes in the most odd shaped packages.

Yeah I know, I know this is a weird subject for me to be blogging about all things considered but I feel there a a few people I need to thank, one in particular who will acutally read this so here goes.

Savannah: You absolutly amaze me doll. With everything you're going through you still manage to keep a smile on that georgous face of yours, a positive outlook in your brilliant mind, love in your heart, and most of all........you have the most unwavering faith I think I've ever seen. I wish I could me more like you, strong in the face of adversity and trying times. Heck I just fold in on myself and retreat. You take the bull by the horns and conquer. Thanks for always being there to lend an ear, a comforting word, and oh yeah....thanks for making me laugh. =) I love you so much and I wish I could see you more (everyday would be nice). I can't wait for Xmas break!! Hang in there and stay strong (I have no doubt that you will). I LOVE YOU!!!

Rebecca: My twin. You keep my going through the long monotonous school days and do ur best to keep my spirits up when I'm at home no matter how obstinate I can be. I would be so lost without you as my friend. ILY!

Gretchen: I know I joke with you about a variety of things, but you always take it so well. Thanks for making me laugh and forcing me to smile. My life would be dramatically different without you in it. ILY!

Honestly that is my list. Out of the three, Savannah is the only one who will probably read this without being prompted. I honestly don't know what I'd do without these three amazing people in my life. I love you all!