"So deeply affected by love as to be unable to act normally. It may be reciprocated or unreciprocated.
When it comes to studies or work, you get distracted and misfocus easily cos the face of your crush appears in your mind every millisecond.
Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of s/he.
You will eventually begin to find it hard to enjoy your everyday life and would rather be alone and think of s/he.
Slowly, your social life and you school/work life will be affected.
You will be more interested in the person's life more than the lives of the people around you, in fact, your 99.999% of your mind is filled with thoughts of him/her.
Whenever you are out of your house, you will hope to see him/her. Unknowingly, after your work/school, you will appear at places where both of you met or the places where you think s/he might have a higher possibility of appearing.
You begin to be very conscious about your every move and seem to be always smiling when you are near him.
If you admire him from afar, you may rehearse the moments when both your eyes are met.
You will begin to have a terribe habit of trying to "overananalyzing" the person's every move, finding evidence that s/he is secretly in love with you too.
When you start to think that s/he might not even know your existence or might not even like you a tiny puny bit, you become unreasonably depressed.When it comes to studies or work, you get distracted and misfocus easily cos the face of your crush appears in your mind every millisecond.
Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of s/he.
You will eventually begin to find it hard to enjoy your everyday life and would rather be alone and think of s/he.
Slowly, your social life and you school/work life will be affected.
You will be more interested in the person's life more than the lives of the people around you, in fact, your 99.999% of your mind is filled with thoughts of him/her.
Whenever you are out of your house, you will hope to see him/her. Unknowingly, after your work/school, you will appear at places where both of you met or the places where you think s/he might have a higher possibility of appearing.
You begin to be very conscious about your every move and seem to be always smiling when you are near him.
If you admire him from afar, you may rehearse the moments when both your eyes are met.
You will begin to have a terribe habit of trying to "overananalyzing" the person's every move, finding evidence that s/he is secretly in love with you too.
When you start to think that s/he might not even know your existence or might not even like you a tiny puny bit, you become unreasonably depressed.
One-track-mind.
You start to lose concentration on many things and find it hard to make decsions in everyday life.
Sally is lovesick; all she thinks about is Samuel and neglected her friend's presence." ~ urbandictionary.com
It's uncanny how well I fit into this definition. ;-)
Sigh.....
I am so hopeless/helpless. I find myself thinking about him almost all the time, reveling in the time we spend together, longing for his embrace.
At the risk of driving everyone crazy I do think I shall continue to gush. I know all my friends think I'm an id10t and if they aren't verbalizing it, they most likely are thinking it. Surprisingly enough the only comments I've really gotten are "I don't wanna see you get hurt" and "Just be careful." Like I would be anything but careful. As I told myself earlier, I think we're both on the same page at the moment, granted that the page he's on isn't the one I want to be on but, we're on the same page none the less.
I can't believe I'm saying this but I can't wait for things to change (for obvious reasons). Who knows....maybe history will repeat itself (it tends to in most areas of life).
<3
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The Ramblings of a lonely heart <3
Soooo.....Our homecoming dance was last night (the game was last Friday 10/16). Yeah I know it's weird that it's so late and it's weird that the dance isn't the same weekend as the game but there's really nothing I can do to change that now is there. =)
Ok so 1st off let me be the first to say Homecoming is NOT the place to go to forget your single. Unlike my very wise cousin, I do enjoy going and getting a dress and getting my hair, makeup, and nails done (although I usually do my hair, makeup, and nails myself or at least have my mom help me). I actually enjoy all of that. What I do not enjoy is the never subtle reminder that no I do not in fact have a boyfriend and yes the guy I like is taken. =/
The dance was still awesome though. My friends and I had a great time and the music wasn't half bad....Ok let me rephrase that: the music played wasn't that bad.....the DJ seriously needed to play more good songs. There was no Don't Stop Believin' or Livin' on a Prayer not even Thriller was played =( O well maybe for Snowball (aka winter formal).
One of the worst parts of the night was seeing, correction being forced to see, the grind line composed enitrely of freshmen girls.........EWWWWWW!!!!!! Add that to the fact that 6/8 of center court was filled with grinding. It was disgusting. Maybe that's just my view because I don't have a boyfriend, but in all seriuosness it's GROSS!!!
As I mentioned before, Homcoming is not the place to forget your single, unless of course you're in the arms of the one you love. <3 face ="]">
Ok I'll stop for Savannah's (not to mention Gretchen and Rebecca's) cause I'm sure she (they) is/are cringing as she/they read(s) this but I honestly can't help myself =)
Ok so 1st off let me be the first to say Homecoming is NOT the place to go to forget your single. Unlike my very wise cousin, I do enjoy going and getting a dress and getting my hair, makeup, and nails done (although I usually do my hair, makeup, and nails myself or at least have my mom help me). I actually enjoy all of that. What I do not enjoy is the never subtle reminder that no I do not in fact have a boyfriend and yes the guy I like is taken. =/
The dance was still awesome though. My friends and I had a great time and the music wasn't half bad....Ok let me rephrase that: the music played wasn't that bad.....the DJ seriously needed to play more good songs. There was no Don't Stop Believin' or Livin' on a Prayer not even Thriller was played =( O well maybe for Snowball (aka winter formal).
One of the worst parts of the night was seeing, correction being forced to see, the grind line composed enitrely of freshmen girls.........EWWWWWW!!!!!! Add that to the fact that 6/8 of center court was filled with grinding. It was disgusting. Maybe that's just my view because I don't have a boyfriend, but in all seriuosness it's GROSS!!!
As I mentioned before, Homcoming is not the place to forget your single, unless of course you're in the arms of the one you love. <3 face ="]">
Ok I'll stop for Savannah's (not to mention Gretchen and Rebecca's) cause I'm sure she (they) is/are cringing as she/they read(s) this but I honestly can't help myself =)
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Inspiration Comes in the most odd shaped packages.
Yeah I know, I know this is a weird subject for me to be blogging about all things considered but I feel there a a few people I need to thank, one in particular who will acutally read this so here goes.
Savannah: You absolutly amaze me doll. With everything you're going through you still manage to keep a smile on that georgous face of yours, a positive outlook in your brilliant mind, love in your heart, and most of all........you have the most unwavering faith I think I've ever seen. I wish I could me more like you, strong in the face of adversity and trying times. Heck I just fold in on myself and retreat. You take the bull by the horns and conquer. Thanks for always being there to lend an ear, a comforting word, and oh yeah....thanks for making me laugh. =) I love you so much and I wish I could see you more (everyday would be nice). I can't wait for Xmas break!! Hang in there and stay strong (I have no doubt that you will). I LOVE YOU!!!
Rebecca: My twin. You keep my going through the long monotonous school days and do ur best to keep my spirits up when I'm at home no matter how obstinate I can be. I would be so lost without you as my friend. ILY!
Gretchen: I know I joke with you about a variety of things, but you always take it so well. Thanks for making me laugh and forcing me to smile. My life would be dramatically different without you in it. ILY!
Honestly that is my list. Out of the three, Savannah is the only one who will probably read this without being prompted. I honestly don't know what I'd do without these three amazing people in my life. I love you all!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Life Lessons, ETC.
First day of Senior Year......what an adventure. As it is, I really like my classes, that is I like what I've seen of them. AP English is somewhat intimidating, not so much the teacher as the workload. Honors Calc seems like it will be an ok class provided my teacher's teaching style fits my needs (please don't ask what those needs are cause I don't even know). The only downer about math is my teacher's seating chart puts me in the back right corner of the room =(. I have a feeling AP Bio is going to be one of my favorite classes of the year! I love my teacher and I love biology in general so I am really looking forward to it. Lunch is absolutly amazing........and no that is not becuase I don't have to sit and learn. It's becuase I get to spend lunch with my BFFFFFFF's and I now get to sit in the Senior cafeteria on the 6th floor!!! AP German is well....German. My teacher wouldn't stop talking in German the entire period; but I guess that is to be expected seeing as it is AP German. Health is the one class I think I'm going to dread but more about that later. So far my favorite class (other than AP Bio) is Evening Theatre Company. Our play this semester is The Somewhat True Story of Robin Hood (or something along those lines, Robin Hood nonetheless). It is going to have a midevil set and costumes coupled with what my teacher calls "Oldies" music (meaning "The Four Seasons"). So all in all a good first day.
Life Lesson: Now for the life lesson section of today's post. I suppose this isn't so much a life lesson as a common sense thing, but if your me it could be both. *Do NOT under any circumstances attempt to hit your thumb or finger with a hammer, even on accident (yes I know that seems very stupid to say). If you do, your thumb/finger will hurt for the next 12ish hours and be sensitive to the touch at the spot where you hit it.* Agian, I know this seems like a stupid thing to post as a life lesson, but after experiencing it Saturday afternoon I thought it was worth mentioning.
Health Class: As promised; more about Health Class. It is so insanely boring that I think I will want to cry later on in the semester. Granted that today was all formalities (rules, guidelines, yadda yadda yadda) but still! So for homework, our teacher gave us a student record sheet to fill out. Naturally it had questions about ourselves on it. However, these were not the usual name, phone number, partent's name and number type of questions. These were thought provoking questions that caused you to delve into your brain to find the answer (at least they were for me. Who knows....maybe I'm over analysing my health homework of all things). It really got me thinking as to what impovements I would like to see in my life and made me realize how far I've come since my first day of high school. Who knew Health class could be so deep.
Philosophy on Life: Right now, my philosophy for the school year is as follows: an episode a day. And no that does not mean a mental breakdown every day. What it means is every day after I get my homework done, I can sit down and watch an episode or two of Charmed. However, that is not the only philosophy I have come up with recently. When I was doing my English homework today, I really connected with the poem we were assigned to read ("The Waking" by Theodore Roethke). "This shaking keeps me steady. I should know. What falls away is always. And is near. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go" (Roethke). This is the last verse of the poem but it has so much underlying potency it's ridiculous. Just the subliminal message that the only way to truly learn is by taking life slow and learning from experience is so striking. Then my mom found this verse: "The Lord Says 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'" (Psalm 32: 8-9). I read/hear these verses and wonder "what the He** have I done with my life? How have I lost my faith and somehow managed to muddle through these last five or so years the way I have?" My life has been so messed up with so many twists and turns that it doesnt make sense for this to be to path set before me by the Lord. I just wish there were some "get out of jail free" card for this kinda stuff. I wish there was a shortcut that would put me on a more stable path and restore my faith at the same time. I just wish my life was different and I know how impossible that is; this passage proves that. If there was an easier path for me to travel down in life that would allow me to be as strong as I am I have no doubt that God would've put me on it. I guess for now I have to resort back to my "everything happens for a reason" and remember that with faith and resilliance everything will turn out as it should.....it just takes time.
Life Lesson: Now for the life lesson section of today's post. I suppose this isn't so much a life lesson as a common sense thing, but if your me it could be both. *Do NOT under any circumstances attempt to hit your thumb or finger with a hammer, even on accident (yes I know that seems very stupid to say). If you do, your thumb/finger will hurt for the next 12ish hours and be sensitive to the touch at the spot where you hit it.* Agian, I know this seems like a stupid thing to post as a life lesson, but after experiencing it Saturday afternoon I thought it was worth mentioning.
Health Class: As promised; more about Health Class. It is so insanely boring that I think I will want to cry later on in the semester. Granted that today was all formalities (rules, guidelines, yadda yadda yadda) but still! So for homework, our teacher gave us a student record sheet to fill out. Naturally it had questions about ourselves on it. However, these were not the usual name, phone number, partent's name and number type of questions. These were thought provoking questions that caused you to delve into your brain to find the answer (at least they were for me. Who knows....maybe I'm over analysing my health homework of all things). It really got me thinking as to what impovements I would like to see in my life and made me realize how far I've come since my first day of high school. Who knew Health class could be so deep.
Philosophy on Life: Right now, my philosophy for the school year is as follows: an episode a day. And no that does not mean a mental breakdown every day. What it means is every day after I get my homework done, I can sit down and watch an episode or two of Charmed. However, that is not the only philosophy I have come up with recently. When I was doing my English homework today, I really connected with the poem we were assigned to read ("The Waking" by Theodore Roethke). "This shaking keeps me steady. I should know. What falls away is always. And is near. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go" (Roethke). This is the last verse of the poem but it has so much underlying potency it's ridiculous. Just the subliminal message that the only way to truly learn is by taking life slow and learning from experience is so striking. Then my mom found this verse: "The Lord Says 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'" (Psalm 32: 8-9). I read/hear these verses and wonder "what the He** have I done with my life? How have I lost my faith and somehow managed to muddle through these last five or so years the way I have?" My life has been so messed up with so many twists and turns that it doesnt make sense for this to be to path set before me by the Lord. I just wish there were some "get out of jail free" card for this kinda stuff. I wish there was a shortcut that would put me on a more stable path and restore my faith at the same time. I just wish my life was different and I know how impossible that is; this passage proves that. If there was an easier path for me to travel down in life that would allow me to be as strong as I am I have no doubt that God would've put me on it. I guess for now I have to resort back to my "everything happens for a reason" and remember that with faith and resilliance everything will turn out as it should.....it just takes time.
Just let me hold you while your falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
Fall on me
Tell me Everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
~ Ever the Same by Rob Thomas
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed by the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
~ Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Joys of a New Haircut!
Ok so once again I am being a major procrastonator! Right now I should be outlining the final chapter of my biology homework or reading/journaling my english homework but I've already outlined one chaper today and journaled most of one book so I think I deserve to reward myself with some episodes of season 2 of Charmed.
So I got my hair-cut today and I am absolutly in love with it. I took in a picture of Phoebe's (Alyssa Milano) hair in season five of Charmed and my hair turned out almost exactly like the picture! So needless to say I am so so so so so so SO pshched! I didnt think my hair would be able to do that style and still look good with my face but I was wrong....and boy am I happy about it. The bangs even work well!
Tis amazing what a new haircut will do for your outlook on life, at least for a day or so. I feel completely rejuvinated and much better about starting school and for that matter starting SENIOR YEAR on the right foot.
Well I really dont know what else to say so I guess its chaio for now!
So I got my hair-cut today and I am absolutly in love with it. I took in a picture of Phoebe's (Alyssa Milano) hair in season five of Charmed and my hair turned out almost exactly like the picture! So needless to say I am so so so so so so SO pshched! I didnt think my hair would be able to do that style and still look good with my face but I was wrong....and boy am I happy about it. The bangs even work well!
Tis amazing what a new haircut will do for your outlook on life, at least for a day or so. I feel completely rejuvinated and much better about starting school and for that matter starting SENIOR YEAR on the right foot.
Well I really dont know what else to say so I guess its chaio for now!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Randomness rule!
Well for starters I am in desperate need of new running/walking shoes. I need to start walking everyday for like 10-20 minutes. As my mother keeps pointing out, the only way I'm gonna loose the weight I have gained this summer is by walking and drinking water so now I am on a mission to walk every day except for friday (bootcamp) and drink lots of water and possibly cut out the diet cokes for a week or maybe even a month depending on how it goes.
So today I am on a mission to get to Marshalls or TJ Maxx or even both because one way or another I am going to get in my 10-20 minutes of walking today and tomorrow!
Right now I am at my Dad's house waiting for his wife to come home so I can get my dad to take me to marshalls/tj maxx. I am really bored and I need to read crime and punishment as well as pride and predjudice but that really doesnt sound appealing at the moment. Unforutately, I have one week left to finish both books as well as finish outlining 3.5 chapeters of my AP Bio book for the test the first week of school.....the outlines are due the first day of school.....o joy!
Well I suppose I should go attempt to read since as I said, I have exactly one week to finish two books and 3.5 chapters of bio! I guess I'll tackle both books at the same time and see how it goes and I'll do some more outlining tonight during a movie or something.
Until later......
So today I am on a mission to get to Marshalls or TJ Maxx or even both because one way or another I am going to get in my 10-20 minutes of walking today and tomorrow!
Right now I am at my Dad's house waiting for his wife to come home so I can get my dad to take me to marshalls/tj maxx. I am really bored and I need to read crime and punishment as well as pride and predjudice but that really doesnt sound appealing at the moment. Unforutately, I have one week left to finish both books as well as finish outlining 3.5 chapeters of my AP Bio book for the test the first week of school.....the outlines are due the first day of school.....o joy!
Well I suppose I should go attempt to read since as I said, I have exactly one week to finish two books and 3.5 chapters of bio! I guess I'll tackle both books at the same time and see how it goes and I'll do some more outlining tonight during a movie or something.
Until later......
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
What I should be doing.....
Well, lets see. There are mutliple things I should be doing. For starters I should be either outlining my biology chapters or reading Crime and Punishment or Pride and Predjudice and taking notes on either one of the books. I should also be keeping a better watch on the laundry.
Instead, I am watcing season 2 of Charmed from the beginning and blogging; all while contemplating the true meaning of the word father (dad).
In my mind, a father should be somebody who is always there for you, supportive, a shoulder to cry on, compassionate, responsible, loving, not too strong tempered, understanding, yadda yadda yadda.
Unfortunately I got saddled with: irresponsible, lazy, negligent, inconsiderate, short tempered, sometimes has an ear to lend, thinks mostly about himself/self-centered, and so on and so forth.
I would get into details, however seeing as this is a blog on the internet I don't think that's a very good idea. If you really want dets, well then that's too bad......jk.
GAH!!!! I hate this situation! The only one who I know of who could relate is my fav cuz but other than that I feel utterly alone. Stupid fatherly figures!
I'll try to blog more later when I can think straight without my eyes feeling like they are going to well up with tears.
Instead, I am watcing season 2 of Charmed from the beginning and blogging; all while contemplating the true meaning of the word father (dad).
In my mind, a father should be somebody who is always there for you, supportive, a shoulder to cry on, compassionate, responsible, loving, not too strong tempered, understanding, yadda yadda yadda.
Unfortunately I got saddled with: irresponsible, lazy, negligent, inconsiderate, short tempered, sometimes has an ear to lend, thinks mostly about himself/self-centered, and so on and so forth.
I would get into details, however seeing as this is a blog on the internet I don't think that's a very good idea. If you really want dets, well then that's too bad......jk.
GAH!!!! I hate this situation! The only one who I know of who could relate is my fav cuz but other than that I feel utterly alone. Stupid fatherly figures!
I'll try to blog more later when I can think straight without my eyes feeling like they are going to well up with tears.
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